Episode 184: The Importance of Self-Acceptance with Willow and Julie
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(Transcript available below)
An important area for the well-being of HSPs is self-acceptance. Yet what does this really mean, and how do we know when we have a good bearing on it? Self-acceptance is one of the greatest foundations of feeling joyful. Conversely, self-rejection can be sneaky in how it operates and a very painful place to operate from, especially as a deep-feeling HSP. Join us this week as we look at what self-acceptance means and how the ‘loving witness’ can become our greatest ally.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT, is an HSP psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, the author of The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person, and founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community. Her HSP Podcast ranks among the top 5% of the most shared and followed podcasts worldwide. Julie’s webinars. resources, online courses, and blog have helped millions of HSPs reduce the challenges of living with sensitivity in an overstimulating world. Her greatest joy is helping sensitive people discover their significant value and seeing them share their much-needed gifts with the world. Julie loves connecting in her community and warmly invites you to join this positive, inclusive, sensitive family. Explore her resources and learn how her brain training program reduces anxiety within the first two weeks at JulieBjelland.com❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)
Willow McIntosh is the founder of Inluminance and creator of the High Sensory Coaching Program. Unique circumstances during Willow’s childhood led to the burying of his authentic self and complete misalignment to the work he was destined for. He began to carve his own path into understanding how people with sensory processing sensitivity can learn to use their genetic traits to their advantage. As an adult this led to a lifelong enquiry and practise into learning powerful energetic alignment techniques to re-engage with the authentic self. Willow believes that all people with the trait have the ability to tap into a unique skill that draws on a deeper sensory perception. Having successfully facilitated the development of seven figure businesses Willow’s practise has taken him all over the world. Speaking internationally, training in a broad range of fields and facilitating others for more than twenty years. http://highsensoryintelligence.com/
The HSP Podcast is rated in the top 5% most followed and shared globally! Thank you for sharing to help other HSPs! Check out more episodes at HSPpodcast.com
Transcript
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Welcome to the Hsp, podcast I'm Julie Bielland, a psychotherapist specializing in the highest levels of sensitivity.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: I founded the sensitive empowerment community. That's where we're recording live right now, and several members are with us live which we really love so much, and we love being able to connect a bit before we start recording, too. And I love seeing that you guys were all chatting before we even came on. That makes my heart so happy.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: I just think that we're such a loving.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: sensitive, supported family that it's we were just saying that it's likely there's a knowing that we have with each other that's really special. And you all mean a lot to me. And I'm so happy that you're here.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and for our podcast listeners.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and for everyone. Thank you so much for sharing the podcast for for rating, for for doing reviews of the podcast that really helps other Hsp's find the podcast last I checked. We were in 178 countries, and at about 500,000 listens.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: So we have a goal of a million Hsps being reached. So please continue to share and review the podcast. We really appreciate that.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And if you'd like to join our sensitive family explore more episodes of the Hsp. Podcast read articles on the Hsp blog, attend my free webinars, or improve your mental and physical health. In my courses for sensitive people.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: you can find everything at sensitive connection. Com, and we'd love to have you join us
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: today. I'd like to welcome Willow Macintosh, who's the founder of illuminance and the high sensory method.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and we'd love to welcome Willow. Welcome, Willow. Tell us about the topic that you picked today.
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Willow McIntosh: Hi, Julie! Great to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, so the topic today is the importance of of self-acceptance.
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Willow McIntosh: And what I'd really love to do to day is to explore what this really means for us as Hsps, and
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Willow McIntosh: especially to link this with our
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Willow McIntosh: sense of happiness, enjoyment, and self love.
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Willow McIntosh: When we are in a place of self acceptance, it really starts to make some very interesting things possible for us. And
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Willow McIntosh: I'd love to and really talk about what that means today. Your experience of what that means, Julie, and and and my experience too.
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Willow McIntosh: and and to to feel into the I the the opportunity that we have to really understand and get curious about who we really are.
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Willow McIntosh: how we experience the world, the parts of ourselves that
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Willow McIntosh: are good at things. The parts of ourselves are not good at things, and just to really
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Willow McIntosh: come into communion with the with the whole of who we are, and just how that can really start to improve our well being and relationship with ourselves.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Such an incredibly important topic. And I think I've seen most of us, including myself, have
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: really kind of started out struggling with self-acceptance because we are often, you know, feeling different in the world, and
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: I think that many of us have received messages about something being wrong with sensitivity. So, therefore, we interpreted that when we were young, that something was wrong with us. and
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: I think that affected so many of us, and that's been
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: something that I know I've personally had to work on a lot, and life got a lot better when I when I was feeling more self acceptance.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: But it didn't come naturally for me. II feel like I actually had to work on it. Do you think that willow?
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Willow McIntosh: Yes, II really did. Yeah, definitely. And and I think, being being an Hsp. Th, there's a couple of you know the a couple of challenges that we have. Firstly, as you. As you say, Julie, you know that we are different and
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Willow McIntosh: and that can, you know, depending on how that unfolded for us, that can either be seen as an advantage, or
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Willow McIntosh: or we can end up, you know, questioning ourselves because we, because we we don't seem to be the same as everyone else around us. And then the other part that I think is is important. To consider is is is how deeply we are able to process
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Willow McIntosh: and when we turn that ability in on ourselves. And we start to analyze. And we start to. You know, Judge.
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Willow McIntosh: who we are. Then I think we can end up in in quite a difficult place.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Oh, yeah. And II think a lot about nature, and this way
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and it's so fascinating how we accept and understand the diversity in nature that there is. There aren't mistakes, that there are particular reasons for
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: the way that everything is a little bit different, so that it supports the entire system. And and it's really the same for sensitive people. And high sensitivity is under the umbrella of neurodiversity.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: which means that the you know, the majority who don't have this trait are called neurotypicals, and those of us that have this trait along with autism and Adhd, are under the umbrella of
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: neurodiversity.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and it is the same actually. And I love the movement that's happening in the field of neurodiversity that we're seeing things change in terms of understanding that there are reasons why we have the type of brain processing that we do, and that it brings something that's really needed in the world. In fact, it's part of protecting the population that we have this diversity.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and it's part of there's a reason for it. I know. Well, you talked about that before that there's a sense of.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: you know, this is not an accident that we have this trait. And there's a real reason for it.
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Willow McIntosh: Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And I and I think that the diversity piece is is really important for us to recognize. So every one, you know, that's that's tuning and listening here right now. Those of you that are that are that are here with us live right now is.
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Willow McIntosh: is is to really to consider that each of us have a very, a very important purpose in the world who we are, our character, our personality, our life path, and the fact that we are Hsps.
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Willow McIntosh: the
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Willow McIntosh: we. We are incredibly important as an individual, and I think the the more that we can get curious about that
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Willow McIntosh: and feel into that. You know. What is it that's making me different? And and why is that important?
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Willow McIntosh: Because, as as you say, Julia, when we think about the the structure of nature, we're we're in a
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Willow McIntosh: you know, a an incredible balance of an ecosystem, and everything within nature has has a purpose.
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Willow McIntosh: So when we think of ourselves, you know, it's easy for us to go into questioning and thinking what's wrong. And
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Willow McIntosh: but actually, there's an opportunity to tune and think. Well, you know, what is it about me that's different. And and how could that be special?
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Willow McIntosh: What's what's special about the way that I experience the world? What matters to me
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Willow McIntosh: the difference that I want to make in the world, and and when we really empower ourselves in that way, then I think we
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Willow McIntosh: reframe what it means to be an Hsp. And and recognize just how important we are.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Yes, and Carolyn has a good question. I wanna I want to bring in after I tell a little story.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: I've been thinking about this a lot, and and and how it relates to us. So I live on a lagoon right now, and I watch a lot of water birds, and there there is one type of bird called a cormorant. That kind of looks like a cross between a duck and a loon.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and I was just amazed at how much time they spend
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: drying their feathers for being water birds like they spend a good part of the day more than half the day.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: standing on the ledge with their wings spread, drying their feathers, and they also spend a lot of time just flapping their wings, trying to get the water off, and I thought, why would a water bird struggle so much with being wet after work so hard to get dry. So I did a little research, and it turns out that they don't have the same kind of preoil that, like other water birds like ducks have.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: which for ducks it's like the water is able to just kind of
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: just kind of fall off and not soak in.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And so I was thinking. It reminded me of, like how sensitive people like we have to spend a lot of time with self care. You know, the world can be pretty over stimulating for us. And it it reminded me of kind of a similar thing to this cormorant. So it turns out that this
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: type of bird has is really fast underwater, like they like to bullet just going underwater, and I've seen them while they're fishing. They're super fast, must fat much faster than the the ducks, for example, and they think that
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: the reason why is because they don't have the the same amount of these oils in their feathers.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: So it's like a trade off. They have this gift of speed, but they have to take care of the fact that you know they have to take care of getting the water off all this extra time. Kind of like how we have a lot of extra time. We have to put in a loan time and self care. But we also have those extraordinary gifts that come with it. So it's like a package. I don't know. Does that make sense to you all that are listening.
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Willow McIntosh: That makes really good sense. Yeah. So what a what a what a wonderful metaphor!
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Oh, good! We're seeing in the comments, penis. I'm in love with this bird. Analogy. Oh, good, good Angela said the same thing, and Dominique love it. I'm so glad you guys got it. I've been wanting to share this analogy for a while, because I just think it relates to us so much.
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Willow McIntosh: It really does. Yeah, absolutely. Yes, yes, it's it's it's a great analogy for for us to be able to.
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Willow McIntosh: To to see how that works in ourselves. But when we personalize that.
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Willow McIntosh: but when we, you know, when we yes, we're all high sensory. We're all Hsps, and we all have.
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Willow McIntosh: you know, the ability to process more deeply. We're all
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Willow McIntosh: you know here, with this great care that we have within us, and and and what's important to us, but that drills down to to a unique version in each of us. So
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Willow McIntosh: so, so you know, the way that we we have that difference is is very important to honor that. And then I think we have the opportunity to go a little bit deeper, and actually
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Willow McIntosh: feel into the advantages that that gives us, and and why that makes us particularly good in in particular areas.
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Willow McIntosh: And and the bird analogy is very interesting again as well, I think, because
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Willow McIntosh: because nature knows what it's doing, right? So it's it's designed the Cormorant in that way that
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Willow McIntosh: you know I mean, it's it's so specific, and that there's such beautiful intricacies in how the cormorant has become so effective at what it does and why it's feathers, and it's oil to the way that they are.
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Willow McIntosh: And we can relate that to us as well. You know we we are. We've been developed through evolution
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Willow McIntosh: in a very particular way to to fulfil a very particular role. And I think when it comes to the area of self-acceptance.
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Willow McIntosh: There is a there's a there's, there's a mix between the day to day self acceptance
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under the umbrella of self love.
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Willow McIntosh: But there's also the area of self-acceptance to really honor
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Willow McIntosh: th. The difference that we are, and the purpose that we have, and that nature has intended for us to be who we are, and and to and to really embrace that.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Yes, Ni, I love what you said. Nature knows what it's doing, and it knows what it's doing when it, you know, when it's the the creation and evolution of this trait. I mean, this is their specific reasons for it.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And going into Caroline's question. Asking if people are are people born with self-acceptance, or do we have to learn it as we grow up and experience life? Our Hsp. Somehow wired for less self acceptance.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: The way I see it, Caroline, is that
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: we learn. I think we're born with self-acceptance, but how our caretakers took care of us.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and our experiences growing up and around us.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: can change it. So, for example, if we are hearing things like, why are you so sensitive? What's wrong with you? If we're hearing that in our childhood, then it's pretty hard to accept ourselves because we have a child's brain. We're not able to understand evolution and why? Why we're this way unless we had really supportive
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: people around us. That and that's, you know, part of our goal. To spread this message to is that we want to have children from a young age be told that this is important, who they are is important and how they are is important. And in general, the
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: experience of accepting a diverse population of people that we need, that that it's it's the beauty and the color of of the world that we're all sharing all these differences.
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Willow McIntosh: Yes, I'd I'd completely agree with that definitely. Yes, I think I think
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Willow McIntosh: the yes, if we receive self acceptance in in our formative years, then it's going to be easier as an adult. But I think we we have a responsibility
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Willow McIntosh: to to really develop our muscle of self acceptance.
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Willow McIntosh: I think it it gives us the opportunity to to to feel happy like if we, you know, if we, if we're in rejection of the very nature of who we are, whatever characteristic may be
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Willow McIntosh: a weakness, or you know, whatever it may be, it's it's very difficult to but to feel a sense of enjoyment and and and peace. I think
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Willow McIntosh: I think the it's it's an opportunity to
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Willow McIntosh: engage this
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Willow McIntosh: this loving witness that I wanted to
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Willow McIntosh: just to bring into the conversation a little bit, which is. which is
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Willow McIntosh: noticing how we do things. So when we're going about our day.
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Willow McIntosh: whether we're making a cup of tea, or, you know, when we start to get upset about something we start to get excited about something is just to extend our awareness a little bit higher and to.
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Willow McIntosh: Oh, okay, this is how I do that. Okay, this is how this happens for me. This is how I experience anger. This is how I experience joy. This is how experience frustration.
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Willow McIntosh: and and to to kind of create that space around us. So we're rather than
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Willow McIntosh: being in the direct judgment of everything we're allowing ourselves to to to notice almost like a
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Willow McIntosh: a caregiver would, or some one who is there to support us?
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Willow McIntosh: We we can develop this part of ourselves that becomes accepting of of everything in in the way that we are. Yes, we can still improve things, and we can still.
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Willow McIntosh: you know, develop ourselves, of course.
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Willow McIntosh: But whatever the baseline is, whatever, wherever we are right now, we have the opportunity to simply observe and and to lovingly accept that, and even to say, Wow, I lovingly accept how you're experiencing with this right now.
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Willow McIntosh: and I think that begins to open things up enormously.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Hmm! That's so beautiful I love, and they accept how you're experiencing this right now.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And I think that you're talking about the acceptance of others, too. I think there's a direct correlation with that, too, that when we work on our own self acceptance, when we can have a loving acceptance of how we experience the world. We also that also moves into a loving acceptance of how other people experience the world.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And I think that is, you know, when I work with Hsp. Clients, for example, something that comes up a lot is how powerful and profound it feels for them to be totally accepted openly in the in those sessions. And I think that that's really testament to how powerful it is and how much we're all seeking that feeling of.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: you know, unconditional acceptance of ourselves and each other. And Carol asked a question about, you know, is it about kind of our the role of parents in in this. And I think that
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: III do think that a lot of times it generationally to that. There's been
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: for some of our parents. There wasn't a space to
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: often to be allowing emotions, and if we're trying to pick and choose which emotions we allow any in ourselves and each other. That's a that's a pretty difficult filtering process. But what if we just allowed the emotions? And I've done a lot of work and research in this area, and find it very fascinating that when we just accept an emotion that we have and we're not judging it.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: The intensity, like the intensity of it doesn't really last longer than about 30 min.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: But it's when we're judging it that we're adding in all that that heavy weight that makes it linger and last a lot longer, or we're trying to shove it down and not allow it while it's going to implode into depression or explode into meltdowns or anger burst, or whatever it doesn't just disappear.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: So it's a really beautiful practice. I had to go through that that the teaching of that it's okay for me to feel the emotion that I'm feeling. And I think on top of that, we tend to feel it very intensely. So imagine how difficult that is that we're walking around in the world
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: feeling things intensely, and then also having judgments about that.
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Willow McIntosh: Yes, II think you're touching on a really really important piece here. And it's something I've been thinking about recently is
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Willow McIntosh: is is the the overwhelm that that causes. So if we are, if we experience ourselves in an emotion and interaction, whatever it may be, and then we spend the next hour, or even the next few days, pro processing that
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Willow McIntosh: that that really contributes to overwhelm for us. We're we're putting a great deal of energy into assessing
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Willow McIntosh: whether or not we were good enough whether or not we responded in the right way
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Willow McIntosh: what people might be thinking about us.
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Willow McIntosh: rather than just simply accepting the feeling that we had, and that we did our best in that very moment to interact in the way that we felt was appropriate.
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Willow McIntosh: And maybe there's something to learn from that. But the but the trouble is, is, if we go into this massive over processing
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Willow McIntosh: that becomes a huge drain for us.
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Willow McIntosh: And and I think
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Willow McIntosh: by bringing this self-acceptance piece in it, and just, and just allowing ourselves to experience ourselves, our feeling, our emotion, our interaction, whatever it is.
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Willow McIntosh: and and to simply allow it. Then I think we have the opportunity there to to really reduce the the effects of over processing that can happen for us.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Oh, yeah, so much so. If you think about energy as being like a cup of water.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and just go on just being a sensitive person in the world. It might take half of that cup of water to get through the day dealing with sensory overload and
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and different things.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And if we're taking the other half of that, so we have half remaining, and if we're putting the other half into that of what you were saying, you know, putting energy into a assessing. If we're good enough if we responded the right way what other people are thinking of us? We're putting energy into those things. But imagine if we didn't imagine if we didn't have to waste our energy doing that. What might we do with that
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: half a cup left? And we could do pretty amazing things with that, with the remaining energy, if we were to repurpose that energy right?
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Willow McIntosh: Exactly. Exactly. Yes, yes, and I. And I think it's I think it's important to notice again. So, for instance, you know if we find ourselves in that state of overprocessing
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Willow McIntosh: just to be witness to that. Again he engage this loving witness and say, Okay, I'm I'm I'm now into the second day of deeply processing this particular piece. And and and that's okay. II lovingly accept the fact that I'm doing them.
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Willow McIntosh: And and in. In doing that, I think we we start to create space around ourselves. We start to forgive ourselves. We start to relax a little bit more. And I think something really powerful happens in that process. I think there is a
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Willow McIntosh: there is a very important link between healing and our awareness when when something comes into our awareness. That's when we engage the power of healing, you know, as we do when we we we visit a therapist, or you know, we're in training, whatever it may be. Much of the time. What a therapist is doing for us is is bringing parts of ourselves that are in repression or in shadow into our awareness. So so the natural processes of healing can start to take place. And I think the same thing happens is when we become.
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Hmm.
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Willow McIntosh: More lovingly accepting and lovingly aware of how we do things, how we interact, what troubles us, whatever it may be. I think we begin a process of evolution, we support the process of evolution towards healing and balance.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Hmm. yes.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and imagine that if we had more self-acceptance leading to more self-love.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: what we can do with that in the world, you know, when you're combining that with the fact that Hsp. Want to do good in the world, they want to help others. They care so deeply about things.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and if we could preserve that energy by and even increase it, because I think self acceptance and self love increases your energy levels and your ability to give to others and give to the world. And so it's all connected, like, if we're working on that where we're sharing that we if we're parents, you know the the way that we talk to ourselves
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: has an impact to our children, to those around us. And it's it's really a fascinating experience to see what can happen in Willow. You and II think one of our favorite things ever is to witness. Hsp, is kind of stepping into
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: that self acceptance, self, love, self compassion, and the light that is impacted from that like it's it's so beautiful to witness when an Hsp. Can step into their light in that way and
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: truly make a difference in the world. And whatever they're doing.
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Willow McIntosh: yeah, absolutely, absolutely. II think it it opens. All of that up is is when we.
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Willow McIntosh: when when we shift, when we, when we come to this place of self, love and acceptance that then, our level of joy just increases. You know we we're letting go of of so much that
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Willow McIntosh: that causes us causes us a great deal of of you know. Uncomfortable feelings and miserable thoughts is when we're in that place, you know. Suddenly, we can then think, okay. So so now if I accept myself, and I understand who I am
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Willow McIntosh: now, and I'm in this place of join acceptance. And of course that's always an evolution. There isn't going to be a day where we have all this figured out. But we do. We do evolve, we do get better, we do improve, that's that's for sure.
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Willow McIntosh: And what what's going to begin to happen is is when we reach this place of acceptance and and love, we become further along in that path. Then we start to think, okay, so what is it that I'm actually interested in? What is it I'd really love to do with myself?
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Willow McIntosh: And when when you consider a child in this way, when a child doesn't have that level of self judgment.
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Willow McIntosh: you know, if if you interrupt a child when they're lifted. They might give you their attention for a while, but then they're like, I'm actually really into this sand castle right now, and that's all I want to do so. I'm going to go back to that.
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Willow McIntosh: And and that's really what can happen for us as as we start to, you know. Come into this place of loving acceptance. Okay, so this is who I am.
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Willow McIntosh: This. Yes, these are my faults, whatever. I'd actually really want to give that attention anymore. What I really want to focus on is what I'm here to do, what I really care about what I really love.
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Willow McIntosh: And and then we, you know we kind of make the full circle in that way, and and and have give ourselves the opportunity to start, embrace our purpose and and the meaning of what? What we're really here to do as an hsp, I think.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Hmm, that's just a beautiful thought, especially thinking about children, and how you know, if we, if we can create that kind of space for them, what what happens and
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and the confidence that's built?
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: I love what fiona is asking. And I think it could lead to an interesting conversation.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: She asked. Can you talk about the energy of self judgment, and how it seems to affect the way others are experiencing us, and consequently how they treat us.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: I hope that makes sense, she said. Yes, gosh! That's a great. That's a great thought actually about like, if we're walking around in the world
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: with self judgment.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: we are not actually being able to be vulnerable, and vulnerability is how we connect.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: So therefore, if we're walking around with self judgment, we aren't really connecting with each other. That's one thing that popped into my head. What do you think, Willow.
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Willow McIntosh: Yes, a really good question.
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Willow McIntosh: Yes, I think when we're around someone that is in in the rigidity of of self rejection, it. It's actually quite uncomfortable to be around someone like that because
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Willow McIntosh: it it brings a lot of fear. So we're thinking, oh, my goodness me, you know, is this person okay?
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Willow McIntosh: I wanna make sure that I'm not contributing to self judgment. II think I think that we it limits the interaction. If if we are
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Willow McIntosh: for others that are around us as as well as for ourselves. And it is about
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Willow McIntosh: as you say, Julie, it really does. You know, affects vulnerability. If if we're not when we're interconnecting, I think that vulnerability is almost like the magic
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Willow McIntosh: essence of of the world, you know, if when we interact with others if we can come from a place of vulnerability. And I know, Julie, you and I've been talking about this recently.
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Willow McIntosh: It makes an enormous difference to to the the quality and the depth of interaction with with someone else, and for our own experience to be to be seen and acknowledged and received within our vulnerability.
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Willow McIntosh: And I think when we're in a place of self projection, we're essentially switching off our vulnerability.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Oh, yeah, that connection. That's such a beautiful thing, too, to to connect, to be seen, to be valued. We need to connect.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And I was thinking, too, about self judgment, and how it actually feels like others are judging us, when, in fact, the judgment is coming from inside of us.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: So let me let me put that another way. So if you are feeling judged by someone about something. It probably is because you have your own bucket of judgment inside of you about that very thing.
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Willow McIntosh: Yes, I think that's absolutely right. Yes, I think that's absolutely right. Yes, yes, yes. And and if we're around others that you know our judging of us really, what's happening is, it's their own internal world is within self judgment within themselves, and they're projecting that onto us.
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Willow McIntosh: And and if we if we are in, if we're struggling with self judgment within ourselves. Then it's really going to hurt when someone does that.
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Willow McIntosh: Whereas if we're in a place of of open self acceptance, we're not really gonna be affected by someone else's judgment of us. I mean, it's easy to say that, of course, but but I think that's ultimately what we're heading towards.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Yes, that's very true, and and the energy of that of self judgment is constricted and small. Right?
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: It prevents us from
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: from entering into our light from shining our light.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And if we are working towards more self acceptance, there's an opening, an open, energetic space that happens that allows us to really share our and reveal our true selves.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And that's how we can be seen by another if we can. Real, you know, really reveal our true self in that vulnerability to be seen and valued and accepted by another. We can put down our walls more easily if we have a lot of self judgment. It's pretty hard to put our walls down.
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Willow McIntosh: Yes, I think that is a really really important piece right there. Yes, I love that when when we're in a place of self judgment. And we're interacting in that way. We're actually switching half of ourself off. We're we're hiding
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Willow McIntosh: our light, hiding the truth of truth of who we are. As you say, Julie, and I think you know, going back to your question. There, Fiona, I think that's actually what really affects the the interaction is when just not
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Willow McIntosh: there. All of us is not there. We're just
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Willow McIntosh: presenting a version of ourselves that we think others are going to accept and and and you know, and respond to in the way that's going to make us feel safe. But we're actually restricting
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Willow McIntosh: our truth and and and who we really are.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Hmm!
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: That makes me think about how much, how long I did that in my life. Kind of that sense of what you said, presenting a version of ourselves.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: but not our true self.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and I think I know for myself, I did that for a long time, and it kind of makes me feel sad for that young, my young self in many ways.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: I think there was only a few people that got to see the real version of me.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: And it wasn't until I got older and and yeah, you and I talked about this, some willow about
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: learning how to be vulnerable, and
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: by learning to be vulnerable, and presenting my real self to the world, I needed to work on my own self judgment, because that helped me being able to reach self acceptance for who I am and it is a it's a journey. I think that it's a
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: it's really a self-discovery journey that I've been on, and it's been profound, too, and so much easier in so many ways when we finally can put that wall down and show up as our real selves. It's
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: a beautiful thing, and it's it's protective
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: to. It helps us be more resilient, and it helps us feel more protected when we can work on our own self-acceptance.
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Willow McIntosh: Yeah, II think that is, I mean that, you know it's it. It really is important to to tune into what you've just said. There, Jay, it takes enormous courage to do that to to to do what you've achieved, to be able. And I know. Of course, you know I've
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Willow McIntosh: I've been on a on a similar journey, but but to be able to
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Willow McIntosh: to become aware of how we have been restricting ourselves, and then to take that leap of faith and actually say to ourselves, Do you know what I'm not going to do that any more? I'm now going to be me.
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Willow McIntosh: and how that initially feels super uncomfortable and really unsafe. But but, as you say, it actually becomes much easier. and as we're adults, we now know how to respond and handle ourselves.
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Willow McIntosh: But so much opens up when we make that decision. When we when we make that choice.
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Willow McIntosh: you know. And I think it's
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Willow McIntosh: it's it's really how self acceptance leads to a joy and freedom and a and a real sense of happiness to
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Willow McIntosh: just allow the expression of ourselves to be free.
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Willow McIntosh: You know you could imagine an A like an alien from another planet coming down and meeting us and us talking about this. And you know the alien thinking, why are you talking about? Why on earth would self expression not be? What you're naturally doing is it's weird that we. We even have to talk about this, but it's but it's but it is. It's kinda it is a self imposed prison. As an adult, as children. We had to do it. We had to.
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Willow McIntosh: you know. We had to have these these pieces in place to protect us, but as adults it's it's self imposed. Now we have everything that we need to let go of that, and and to be in this this place of freedom.
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Willow McIntosh: And you're absolutely right with Julian. What you're saying is that life becomes so much easier for us when we take that step.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Yeah, it sure does. And I was thinking about my own children who are adults now, and it's it's always been like, I remember when they were young.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: I had teachers tell me that they were very emotionally healthy, and I remember just like beaming about that that just made me so thrilled that that that was showing up, and sometimes I would watch them, and just
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: be incredibly amazed at how accepting they are of themselves. And I'm sure that had a lot to do with how they were raised and
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and the environments they were in. And you know, it was through my own struggles that I could understand
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: what
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: would be needed to to reach self-acceptance, and to raise them that way, and and for them not to be hindered by self-judgment. It allows them to
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: just be who they are in the world. And it's such a beautiful thing, and we can all make a difference, because when we show up as ourselves in the world, we open up a space that allows others to do the same.
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Willow McIntosh: Amazing, yeah, absolutely. And what a gift that you have given your children and and and you're setting the example. You know you're you're you're being the difference
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Willow McIntosh: by doing that by committing to that in yourself. And then.
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Willow McIntosh: you know, as a parent saying, Okay, so now I have the opportunity to
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Willow McIntosh: to give my children what was missing for me? A. A. As a child, and then for that to be reflected by the teachers, you know, to get that affirmation of of how well you've done in that. It's it's it's world changing that. That is how we quite literally change. You know the cycles of shame. And and what causes so so many
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Willow McIntosh: problems in the world?
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Willow McIntosh: And and I think.
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Willow McIntosh: yeah, and I think that this is this is a very interesting opportunity to actually feel into the very area of life that we are.
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Willow McIntosh: That we are challenged in, and to look back at the lineage of perhaps how we have inherited.
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Willow McIntosh: you know, someone else's difficulties or the cycles of shame, whatever it may be
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Willow McIntosh: a and a, and to to recognize that there is our opportunity for transformation. I think that we reach of us walking the life path within the arena that we're born to create change in.
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Willow McIntosh: So so, whatever it is that we're struggling with whatever is most difficult for us wherever the the real resistance is, I think, within that is our opportunity that that's that's linked to our purpose to help create the change by accepting and and and transcending that within ourselves
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: oh, so powerful, so so powerful. Well, I don't know if I told you that I actually just created a self discovery journey.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and it is for this reason, for it's a course, that I have that allows us to do this together. So I just opened it recently. So if anybody is interested in joining the self discovery journey. We'd love to have you. You can find more information at sensitive connectioncom under my courses
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: and willow. I want to you to share how you make a difference in the world. In this way you work with a lot of Hsp. Coaches, high sensory coaches to help them really
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: find the the gift within them, and that they can share with the world. Tell us a little bit about that, and how people can find you.
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Willow McIntosh: Yes, thank you. Yes. So so through all the years of working with high, sensory people, within my own journey. I've developed what's called the high sensory method, which is a a series of foundations that allows us, as Hsps to
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Willow McIntosh: objectively experience, where our gifts, our purpose, and the area that we are here to make a difference in the world within.
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Willow McIntosh: It is. It's a process of inquiry.
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Willow McIntosh: and and A process that really allows us to to dive into what fascinates us, how we're experiencing the world at a deeper level.
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Willow McIntosh: How that links with our journey, and how that links with our why or our cause of what really matters in the world.
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Willow McIntosh: Once we have these foundations, it really opens up our our our opportunity to understand ourselves at a much deeper level. Whether that's going to be through coaching through leadership, whatever the purpose may be.
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Willow McIntosh: The work that we're doing here at illuminance is about helping you to understand that the way that you're experiencing. The world is unique. It's powerful, it's needed.
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Willow McIntosh: No one else can do what you can do. No one else is seeing the world in the way that you are. You're special. You're unique. You're needed and
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Willow McIntosh: and and we have a process that can help you to embrace and understand this sort of at a personal level. and if this is resonating for you, you can. You can find us@inluminance.com.
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Willow McIntosh: Those letters at the beginning are indigo November in luminance or by going to high sensory intelligence, you can book a call. You can simply just
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Willow McIntosh: speak to us, and and and and find out more. You don't have to be on 4. We don't have it have to have anything worked out. It would be a delight to speak with you, and just see if we can support you on your journey.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: That's so amazing, Willow, what you do and how much you're impacting the world and and a ripple effect.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: It's a beautiful thing. And James shares Julie, I love your new course on self discovery, and I have a post for today. I will share later. Oh, I love that. It's so fun to do this together because we we're here cheering each other on and being a support to each other. And that's a beautiful thing.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Willa, do you have anything else you wanted to share before we end today.
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Willow McIntosh: just again to say, thank you so much for everyone for joining us and for everyone tuning in and listening. It's it's wonderful to have you with us on this journey and
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Willow McIntosh: you know, and and take the time to reach out and and get the support that you need. Being in community is is such an important part of our our, you know, journey and and and happiness as as hsps so we look forward to seeing you soon.
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: Hmm love it. I'm so glad you guys were with us today. If we read all the comments that you make on the podcast. And the reviews, you can go to Hsp Podcastcom to leave a comment on this episode. If it resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: sending out lots of love to all the sensitives in the world we love who you are and we value who you are
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Julie Bjelland, LMFT: sending out love. Thanks for being with us today, Willow. We'll see you next time, everybody bye, bye.
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Willow McIntosh: bye-bye.
If you want to grow a business supporting your creative talents or get inspired and feel validated as a neurodivergent individual, tune in to this uplifting and inspiring conversation featuring autistic/ADHD artist and illustrator Elinor Trier.