What would have been or was supportive to you as a sensitive child/teen?

It might be amazing for parents of sensitive kids to read what you have to say! Imagine that something you share will help one of those parents give that to their sensitive child and that child will bloom even more because of it. ❤️

I asked this question to my Sensitive Empowerment Community and thought it would be so powerful to share the answers.

• I think I would have benefited from my parents staying with me when I was upset, validating my feelings and showing me ways to calm down.

• Like many people here - what I needed most was validation and someone to stay with me and allow space for my feelings instead of cheering me up or shutting them down. Some tools would have been so helpful too - dealing with conflicts, managing school stress, self-soothing, self-compassion… pretty much all around managing big feelings and stress I think.

• Gosh, I feel like everyone else said it all!! I can relate to so much.
  
  I think a feeling of acceptance and letting me know I was ok the way I was. I was always pushed to change or be more like “so and so” and yes socialize and have more friends.
  
  Also felt it was not ok to cry or express negative emotions. I think I needed to feel safe and heard. Also to be allowed to have quiet time alone to process. I loved playing alone in my room for hours but this was discouraged.

• I would have done way better as a kid with:
  
  I think mental health support that I really liked—like a really good therapist? Would have gone a long way
  
  A Reggio Emilia/Waldorf style school
  
  There are loads more gifted kid resources online now through Johns Hopkins/CTY—-accessing as much of that as possible would have been a huge help for me as a kid
  
  Taking me to museums regularly would have been amazing, also any kind of family travel especially with an eye to what I could learn would also have been amazing
  
  What was great:
  Free-range 70s childhood with tons of time in nature
  
  A lot of roller skating! And reading, and swimming, and time with the pets.

• I would have liked it if my mom didn't tell me that I was being too sensitive. I also would have liked it if she didn't knock on my door at night as I asked her, even if my light or TV was on, because I needed that wind-down time without stimulation to get ready for sleep. I also would have appreciated it if my parents were quieter at night after I went to bed so that I could get the sleep that I now know is so important for me to recharge. It's just little things, but they would have been helpful for me.

• Someone to help me process my feelings would have been amazing. Someone to manage the relationship between me and my sister who had a tendency to dominate, bully and manipulate me. It took me until the age of 50 to realize that I had coping mechanisms that I desperately needed as a child that does not serve me well as an adult. Better late than never!

• It would have been useful for the adults in my life not to consider my shyness as a lack of courage. Instead, it would have felt great to feel supported to explore the world more, to feel safe in doing so, and to have adults to whom to go, to share my experiences with, and receive good advice. Also, for the adults in my life to listen to my emotions and contain them, instead of telling me they are somewhat wrong and to try to feel other emotions than what I was feeling.

• Being accepted and supported in my uniqueness, transition time, and coping skills training

• As a kid, what I wanted most from my mom was patience, patience, patience!

• Sooo many great things have already been mentioned that I resonate with!
  
  What worked for me:
  Having my own room that I could escape to for reading, dreaming, creating, and processing time. It was a space I could go to to get some distance from the anger and chaos in my house.
  
  LOTS of access to nature with the ability to spend alone time there. I was really lucky to grow up in a mountain town and I was allowed to roam by myself.
  
  Slow summers spent swimming, reading, writing, soaking up the sun, camping, crafting, and time with my grandparents. School was always busy and stressful, but summer slowed down and I loved having unstructured time in nature and with my grandparents.

• I would have benefitted from less yelling and name-calling, and more encouragement that I would get through situations with my parent’s help. I also really craved positive stimulation ASMR. I used to love being read to with picture books in my mom’s lap.

• I really needed to be listened to and validated. This year I learned that I am HSP, that I grew up with emotionally immature parents. These were heavy and illuminating facts to absorb, digest, and apply.  

  It helps me so much to be reminded often I am loved simply for being me.

  I have an amazing friend who listens to me so much.  We were friends before either of us knew we were HSP.

  Sometimes it's loving to simply ask: What do you need or how can I help?

  I think it's beautiful parents are wanting to learn how to better support their children with sensitive souls. 🥰🥰🥰

• One of the biggest, foundational things for me that I needed and didn't have, was a generally positive, uplifting home environment. This was really influential, because we take in all the subtleties, so those, plus the big things, had such an effect on my emotional and mental state. It elevated feelings of anxiousness, stress, uncertainty, disappointment, etc., and did the opposite of helping me recover from difficult days 'out in the world' or preparing me for them. It was much harder to regulate my sensations and emotions in such an environment.

  - Encouragement when I didn't believe in myself, and reinforcement that I was of value and good enough. 

  - understanding and mercy when I got things wrong

  - talking through things when I hadn't done something expected, etc. - why I hadn't done it (i.e. was I afraid, unsure how to do it, suffering from perfectionism, or actually lazy, etc.) Then discussion about how to improve, and encouragement that I could. 

  - not expecting unattainable perfection in tasks and attitudes, etc., for a child of my age and abilities

  - teaching me that failing wasn't final, or a statement about my worth

  - help to do the things I was scared of, not pushing

  - celebration of who I was, more than the things I could do (skills)

  - more laughter and humor - help to take things lightly sometimes, and not take myself or life too seriously.

  - evident love and affection

  - like others have said, understanding of my sensitive temperament, and allowance for it - space, time, etc., when I needed it. Even without knowing it existed, just recognizing this in me. I've seen parents do this before they knew what HS is. Just the allowance to be different, and have that be cool. 

Did you relate to any of these? What would you add?

If you’re experiencing challenges with high sensitivity I recommend my free Masterclasses teaching tools to thrive.
These tools are also helpful for sensitive teens and children

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Julie Bjelland is a Psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, host of The HSP Podcast, and Founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community, whose mission is to create a paradigm shift where sensitivity is embraced, valued, and honored. Julie offers multiple essential resources for educating, inspiring, and empowering HSPs. Register for her free Masterclasses and profoundly transform your life in her courses and community. Her HSP Dating Group is a safe space bringing together conscious, kind, caring HSPs (both Hetero and LGBTQ+). Her HSPs in Business Group supports and empowers sensitive people to grow heart-centered businesses, share their voices, and be part of the change the world needs. Explore Julie’s website dedicated to supporting HSPs and download a free letter to give medical and mental health professionals about high sensitivity. ❤️🌈❤️ (she/her)