When Your Work Isn’t Working for You as a Sensitive Soul

Guest Blog by Val Nelson

Do you ever feel like a misfit at work? Maybe you feel like you have to hide your sensitive nature, or your confidence has taken a hit, and you wonder if you have anything to offer. Ugh. And maybe it just feels too draining. Whew, I’m feeling for you.

First, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s true that the dominant culture, especially in the typical corporate workplace, is not always a great fit for us highly sensitive people (HSPs), but still, there is nothing wrong with you. 

I’m a highly sensitive person myself. I remember feeling deeply drained and ultimately burning out, in at least three different jobs in my career. It was scary, discouraging, and confusing.

I eventually got help to clarify what was going on, and now I have developed a career that really feeds me as a sensitive soul. For me, that means being a career and business coach for introverts and highly sensitive people (HSPs).

Let me show you how to start feeling better, by starting with small steps before trying to tackle it all. 

You’ve got a lot to offer, and work can definitely get better without changing who you are.

Here are some things you can do, and I’ll talk you through how to do it and why it matters: 

1. Name and honor the heaviness.

2. Clarify your strengths and use them more. 

3. Notice what drains you and adjust what you can.

4. Consider a change, in a non-overwhelming way.

1. Name and honor the heaviness.

Work stress is a tender place to be in. 

You might be so busy trying to hold it all together that you haven’t really named what’s hard and how hard it is. It’s time to name and honor the weight of it. This helps with healing. 

You could make a “conscious complaint” list, in writing. This is a way of listing what is bothering you, from a conscious place. 

Conscious Complaint Examples: loud noises, lack of respect, that manager who expects me to clean up their messes, doing things that feel meaningless, feeling like I’m wasting time in the wrong place. 

Write down whatever comes to you. I recommend using pen and paper for the physical release.

After that (or during), a good cathartic cry can be a relief, especially for sensitive souls. Often a good cry takes only a minute or two once you let it out. 

Physical exertion (in a way that works for your body) is also a great way to release some of that built-up stress.

You can do this and I think you’ll find it helpful.

2. Clarify your strengths and use them more. 

Confidence can take a hit when work isn’t working. Uncovering your top strengths gives you a big confidence boost, not to mention some important clarity about what to focus on in your work. 

We all have superpowers, but they often hide in plain sight, or we discount them. 

For instance, here are many strengths that tend to come with being a highly sensitive person:

• Empathy and emotional awareness 

• Awareness of the big picture and the small details

• Helping people feel heard, respected, and safe

• Creativity

• Strong intuitive senses 

• Inspiring others

• Determination and resilience

And YES, all these are needed and valued in many of today’s workplaces. Maybe not in your current workplace, I understand that.

With more clarity of your strengths, you can look for ways to apply them at your current work. When you’re doing that, you tend to feel energized, more confident, and more fulfilled. 

You also have other strengths that you might not be fully aware of. One easy way to uncover them is to meet with a career coach and/or look at some strengths assessments you’ve already done with fresh eyes. 

Discovering my strengths and what they meant for me, with the help of a coach, was such a boost of clarity and confidence for me!

Many people have found that once they understand their natural strengths, they start to see opportunities to apply them at work, in ways they couldn’t have seen before. 

For instance, one of my clients was feeling so drained at work and wasn’t sure why, but after we clarified her strengths, she was able to see opportunities for some small changes in how she accomplished her job. This meant she could use her strengths of mentoring and one-to-one meaningful conversations. Work actually got more enjoyable.

I’ve actually seen many people turn a draining job into an enjoyable job by sculpting it in these ways, even when they were originally sure they had to leave.

3. Notice what drains you and adjust what you can.

When work isn’t working, it’s easy to think that it’s all bad, but a closer look can be telling. 

Do some sleuthing to identify what is most draining about your work. Your Conscious Complaint list may give you some clues, but delve a little deeper about specifics. Maybe you get super stressed after the staff meeting. Maybe it’s the noise in your workspace. 

Sometimes the whole culture at work isn’t a good fit, but you still might find that you can ask for some changes that could make a big difference. 

For example, consider asking about: 

• Working from home at least part time.

• A different work space.

• Shifting your schedule.

• Adjusting the number of meetings per day or spacing them out more.

• Sculpting your job to minimize things that drain you and make greater use of your strengths.

• Revising where the work is too much or unrealistic. 

Sometimes even small changes can bring big relief. A moment to take 3 slow breaths is a reliable go-to for me. My brain is then more able to cope.

When things are stressful, it’s also time to add in more nourishing things beyond work.  

One of my clients started getting herself outside to walk for a few minutes midday and noticed a surprising difference. 

Whatever you decide to try, bring some lightness to it, not like another “should.” Try on one idea and just notice what happens, like an experiment. 

4. Consider a change (in a non-overwhelming way).

Hopefully some of the small changes you make will at least give you a little bit of relief and breathing room for now. 

If you sense it’s still not leading to a positive experience at the current place, it might be time to explore a change. It doesn’t mean you have to take a leap. Start with a sense of interesting exploration.

Knowing more about your strengths and what aligns with your energy will provide important clues about finding a better fit in your career or job. 

The idea of career change kicks up questions like: Is this the wrong field, wrong workplace, wrong role, or all of it? It can feel like a big tangle.

Considering a change can also kick up a lot of fears: What about money? Is there a place for me? What will people think? And more.

I can certainly relate. I’ve been there with all those questions and fears. 

One key thing that helped me was to focus on one small step at a time. Here’s one small non-scary step:

Take a peek at working with a career coach or a career transition support group for sensitive souls. Hold out for someone who gets you and knows you don’t need fixing.

Learn about career clarity support options for sensitive souls (including low-budget options).

Bottom Line:

If you are feeling like a misfit or a bad fit at work, don’t blame yourself. You have a lot to offer just as you are. Given the right fit, you can thrive at work. 

Sometimes getting out is the best option, but sometimes you can ask for changes and get them, and that can make things feel a lot better. The thing that doesn’t have to change is you.

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Val Nelson is a career and business coach for introverts and highly sensitive people (HSPs) who want meaningful work without the overwhelm. Val’s sensitive superpowers include seeing the genius in you even when you can’t see it, helping you uncover what you actually want, and getting you unstuck. She does this through her career and self-employment courses for sensitive souls, her support groups, and her 1:1 coaching.

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