Creating Space from the Edge for Sensitive and Neurodivergent Nervous Systems by Julie Bjelland, LMFT

When you have a sensitive and neurodivergent nervous system, it can take a lot of intentional care to feel balanced. This can be especially true if you are both sensitive and autistic, with strong sensory sensitivities and a faster-draining capacity.

Finding what helps your system feel steady, supported, and able to cope is often an ongoing process.

It isn’t static. It shifts. It changes. What works one day might not work the next.

There is often an exhausting, ongoing process of noticing, adjusting, and trying again.

Sometimes you feel like you can hold things.
There’s space. There’s steadiness.

And other times, it can feel like you’re barely hanging on.

Right at the edge.

It’s that place where your capacity is getting close to its limit.
Where things start to feel harder to hold.

And when you are living close to the edge and something hard hits, it’s easier to fall.

When your nervous system is already overwhelmed, falling off the cliff can look like:

No tolerance for anything extra
Snapping at people you love
Feeling constantly irritable
Crying more easily
Having trouble getting out of bed
Struggling with basic tasks
Falling behind on things you usually manage

It can be meltdowns.
Shutdowns.
Anxiety rising.
Depression deepening.
Chronic illness flaring.
Long-term burnout building.

And so much more.

This isn’t a failure.
It’s what happens when your nervous system has been carrying more than it has the capacity to hold.

Your capacity is not fixed.
It changes based on load, environment, support, and what your body has already been holding.

So much of my own work, and what I’ve been teaching for many years, is about learning what it takes to create that space. So we’re not constantly right at the edge.

So that when something hits hard and we fall, we don’t fall off the cliff.

What helps create space?

Understanding and honoring your needs.

And knowing your needs may look different than what social norms have taught you. Sensitive and neurodivergent nervous system needs are often different.

And that alone can be hard in a world that isn’t designed for us.

Living close to that edge is not about something being wrong with you.
It’s about the mismatch between your nervous system’s needs and the environment you’re in.

Learning what you may never have been taught:
That your needs matter
That your needs are important
That you are not responsible for meeting everyone else’s needs, especially at the expense of your own

Learning boundaries
Learning how to say no without guilt

Because saying no to someone else is saying yes to your nervous system’s needs.

And when you put your own oxygen mask on first, you create the capacity to show up in the world in ways that feel more meaningful, more intentional, and more aligned with who you are.

Protecting your sensory needs

Protecting your sensory sensitivities is a big part of this.

Learning what impacts your nervous system
And learning what helps protect it

For example, if a leaf blower sends your system into overwhelm, carrying noise-canceling headphones can be an accommodation that supports you in those moments.

This is not being too sensitive.
This is understanding your nervous system.

The art of paying attention

There is something I think of as the art of paying attention.

Noticing:
What drains you
What restores you
What pushes you closer to the edge
What gives you more space
What your body is signaling before things escalate

This can be hard when your nervous system is constantly activated.

So we simplify.

We come back to small, supportive things like:
Reducing demands where you can
Choosing quieter or less stimulating environments
Creating predictable routines
Being around safe, understanding people
Letting yourself rest more than you think you should
Eating regularly and having safe, familiar foods
Taking breaks before you reach the edge, not after
Using tools that support your nervous system, like headphones, dim lighting, or comfort items

Over time, this creates a kind of buffer.

Not perfection
Not constant balance

But more room

More support

More ways to come back to yourself

Over time, this becomes a way of building trust with your own nervous system.

Gentle next steps

If this resonates, here are some gentle next steps you can take:

1. Self-reflection

Take a moment to ask yourself:
What helps me feel even a little more space from the edge? 

You might already be doing more than you realize; share your efforts in the comments. 

2. Learn supportive tools at your own pace

I offer self-paced courses designed specifically for sensitive and neurodivergent nervous systems, where I teach tools to help you create more space, reduce overwhelm, and support your capacity in daily life.  Learn more. 

3. Join a supportive community

If you’re wanting connection and ongoing support, you’re invited into a space where this is understood.

Inside The Sensitive and Neurodivergent Community, we focus on learning how to support our nervous systems with compassion, understanding, and practical, real-life tools. Join Us

You don’t have to figure this out alone. 

Author bio

Julie Bjelland, LMFT, is a psychotherapist and founder of The Sensitive and Neurodivergent Community, Podcast, and Blog, and author of the forthcoming book Autistic Women: A Clinician’s Guide to Neurodiversity-Affirming Identification and Support (W. W. Norton, 2027). She specializes in supporting sensitive and neurodivergent adults in understanding their nervous systems, reducing overwhelm, and building lives that honor their needs. Her work is grounded in both clinical expertise and lived experience as a late-identified autistic and queer therapist. Learn more at JulieBjelland.com.

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